This had the effect that the best writing often does: instantly adding a jolt to my day. I look up: the strangers around me are cast in new light, each of them an invitation to experience the kind of conversation that might transform us both.
This made my day—thank you Dan! On a good day, I try to practice this when meeting strangers: What could the most interesting / coolest version of me do (or say) in this moment?
Beautiful, Brigitte! This piece came together brilliantly. While the entire essay was insightful, this part especially resonated with me:
"They were conversations when I could step out of the presentation mode, this reflex to perform or sound clever to impress. When I could push back on my overly self-conscious or performative ego that would have otherwise blocked what I did end up saying, or truly receiving what I heard the other person say."
I'm slowly internalizing this truth myself—we all waste so much energy worrying about others' judgments, while they are simultaneously worrying about ours. What a perfect reminder to embrace the authentic messiness of real connection instead! Thank you for articulating this so thoughtfully.
Thank you so much, Rachel! 😊 It truly is a practice, one that’s as rewarding as it is unpredictable, isn’t it? A lifelong journey, with so many opportunities for unforeseen surprise and connection.
…definitely down for a spontaneous convo…even a bad one if we’re lucky…i love the idea of letting things go poorly sometimes and accepting them still…not everything needs immediate utility…and these awkward broken moments are still moments…
Wow Brigitte, what depth in this essay. Actually, all your essays, but this is the one in front of me right now. I'm blown away by your ability to take us (readers) into new territory, keep our attention and illuminate insights that can be life-changing if we're willing to let them.
This: "Conversation can then become a process of thinking and feeling in real time, an exchange where our curiosity leads and nudges us to ask: What do I think about this topic, and how do I feel about it? In such exploration, we don’t just exchange ideas, but may actually discover new parts of ourselves that just weren’t quite as clear to us before."
This morning, I received this from a reader who replied to my Here and There essay. He was commenting on the ability to sit with the silence:
"The philosopher Agnes Callard tells of the playwright Heinrich von Kleist who first expressed an aspect of this idea—that “at the moment when he opened his mouth, many a great orator did not know what he was going to say.” Speaking to the soul of a person—one or many— in an unrehearsed space you hold open for them, allows you to share something with them you don’t know you have. And when you do, what you say reveals who you really are."
And then there is your essay and the specific passage above. It's been my experience that in a sacred conversation, the 'turning toward' process is one of 'discovery' - where the participants build something together while discovering aspects of each other, and aspects of themselves they didn't know were there. When this happens - as I suspect you know - it's magical.
James, this is too much praise. Thank you so much for your feedback and time to read 🙏
You had one of these conversation recently that you described in your piece 'Here and There’, and it was still lingering in my head and heart when I finished writing this.
Brigitte, my praise stands :) You write and think so beautifully. (I did have one of those conversations - and I had the wherewithal to capture it in writing right after it happened). Have a lovely weekend.
Claire – thank you so much. Your words mean a lot. The Ritz in Paris…imagine all the serendipitous encounters there, all the whispers, boisterous debates, and all the champagne ✨
This is a transformative piece, Brigitte. It’s got so many insightful levels.
My first thought was that this insight below also makes for more interesting and alive writing listening to our own thinking:
“They were conversations when I could step out of the presentation mode2, this reflex to perform or sound clever to impress. When I could push back on my overly self-conscious or performative ego that would have otherwise blocked what I did end up saying, or truly receiving”
It applies in meaningful conversation also. We can tell when someone is hearing us or rehearsing their next comments and vice versa.
The “Strangers on a Train” phenomenon imo is also a fundamental aspect of chatting on the internet. Filters come off. Results can be love-infused or new levels of toxicity depending on what’s triggering the commenter.
I agree on love vs fear. Seeing the choice between the two in any given moment can surely define what happens in that moment and the next ones.
The depth and elegance of your writing elevate what a personal essay can look like. This is so incredibly lovely.
Oh my thank you so much for sharing what resonated with you Kathy! ☺️
Love how you reflect this back: "I agree on love vs fear. Seeing the choice between the two in any given moment can surely define what happens in that moment and the next ones." Merci.
“momentarily unburdened by our own narratives.” what a fantastic way of languaging what I think most humans want at their core, freedom from the identity boxes we adopt to survive and the courage to play with multiple costumes. and I love the commentary about conversations with strangers. Many of those conversations for myself have fallen in line with the mood of a kindergarten dress-up game. Trying on new garments of identity with someone who knows none of my previous history and watching their eyes light up as I try on the new outfit. and then there is the scale of being able to suspend those narratives inside ourselves for moments at a time, which some people call meditation.
Love this. Particularly the comparison with improv theatre. More and more, I find it helpful to experiment with life as if it's a LARP game or a piece of improv theatre. It helps me treat things a little more lightly, and it's fun, too. A conversation is a success if you both feel a lasting buzz from it, nothing else is important.
Thank you for taking the time to reading and leaving this comment, Donal. I agree, it really does help to approach things more playfully, like: what could the most interesting or coolest version of me do or say in this moment? And the buzzzzz is real!
This piece was for me like a north star for conversation. When i reflected on my conversations they are like hit and run accidents. A reflection of the unintentional - intentional way i live my life. Well now i know which way is forward. Your invitation to connect in real time would be frightening for me. Wow - the courage it takes to walk your talk as you so boldly do inviting the readers to connect with you real time.
Your piece was already brilliant when I saw an earlier draft but you’ve taken it to another level here!
There are so many intelligent observations and valuable insights: from imperfections in dialogue being features, not flaws, to letting the gaps speak, and the call to approach conversations with a playful, improvisational spirit.
As a Caravaggio fan, I also love your choice of image.
This had the effect that the best writing often does: instantly adding a jolt to my day. I look up: the strangers around me are cast in new light, each of them an invitation to experience the kind of conversation that might transform us both.
This made my day—thank you Dan! On a good day, I try to practice this when meeting strangers: What could the most interesting / coolest version of me do (or say) in this moment?
Beautiful, Brigitte! This piece came together brilliantly. While the entire essay was insightful, this part especially resonated with me:
"They were conversations when I could step out of the presentation mode, this reflex to perform or sound clever to impress. When I could push back on my overly self-conscious or performative ego that would have otherwise blocked what I did end up saying, or truly receiving what I heard the other person say."
I'm slowly internalizing this truth myself—we all waste so much energy worrying about others' judgments, while they are simultaneously worrying about ours. What a perfect reminder to embrace the authentic messiness of real connection instead! Thank you for articulating this so thoughtfully.
Thank you so much, Rachel! 😊 It truly is a practice, one that’s as rewarding as it is unpredictable, isn’t it? A lifelong journey, with so many opportunities for unforeseen surprise and connection.
…definitely down for a spontaneous convo…even a bad one if we’re lucky…i love the idea of letting things go poorly sometimes and accepting them still…not everything needs immediate utility…and these awkward broken moments are still moments…
Yay 😁 This will be awesome and imperfectly perfect!
Wow Brigitte, what depth in this essay. Actually, all your essays, but this is the one in front of me right now. I'm blown away by your ability to take us (readers) into new territory, keep our attention and illuminate insights that can be life-changing if we're willing to let them.
This: "Conversation can then become a process of thinking and feeling in real time, an exchange where our curiosity leads and nudges us to ask: What do I think about this topic, and how do I feel about it? In such exploration, we don’t just exchange ideas, but may actually discover new parts of ourselves that just weren’t quite as clear to us before."
This morning, I received this from a reader who replied to my Here and There essay. He was commenting on the ability to sit with the silence:
"The philosopher Agnes Callard tells of the playwright Heinrich von Kleist who first expressed an aspect of this idea—that “at the moment when he opened his mouth, many a great orator did not know what he was going to say.” Speaking to the soul of a person—one or many— in an unrehearsed space you hold open for them, allows you to share something with them you don’t know you have. And when you do, what you say reveals who you really are."
And then there is your essay and the specific passage above. It's been my experience that in a sacred conversation, the 'turning toward' process is one of 'discovery' - where the participants build something together while discovering aspects of each other, and aspects of themselves they didn't know were there. When this happens - as I suspect you know - it's magical.
I admire the depth of who you are Brigitte.
James, this is too much praise. Thank you so much for your feedback and time to read 🙏
You had one of these conversation recently that you described in your piece 'Here and There’, and it was still lingering in my head and heart when I finished writing this.
Brigitte, my praise stands :) You write and think so beautifully. (I did have one of those conversations - and I had the wherewithal to capture it in writing right after it happened). Have a lovely weekend.
This is beautifully written. You had me at ‘Ritz in Paris’ which sent me on a daydream and when I came back, found something new in each paragraph.
The strangers on a train idea is so true (and powerful).
Loved it.
Claire – thank you so much. Your words mean a lot. The Ritz in Paris…imagine all the serendipitous encounters there, all the whispers, boisterous debates, and all the champagne ✨
Hemmingway’s bar there is among the best places in the world. If you haven’t been – add it to the wish list!
This is a transformative piece, Brigitte. It’s got so many insightful levels.
My first thought was that this insight below also makes for more interesting and alive writing listening to our own thinking:
“They were conversations when I could step out of the presentation mode2, this reflex to perform or sound clever to impress. When I could push back on my overly self-conscious or performative ego that would have otherwise blocked what I did end up saying, or truly receiving”
It applies in meaningful conversation also. We can tell when someone is hearing us or rehearsing their next comments and vice versa.
The “Strangers on a Train” phenomenon imo is also a fundamental aspect of chatting on the internet. Filters come off. Results can be love-infused or new levels of toxicity depending on what’s triggering the commenter.
I agree on love vs fear. Seeing the choice between the two in any given moment can surely define what happens in that moment and the next ones.
The depth and elegance of your writing elevate what a personal essay can look like. This is so incredibly lovely.
Oh my thank you so much for sharing what resonated with you Kathy! ☺️
Love how you reflect this back: "I agree on love vs fear. Seeing the choice between the two in any given moment can surely define what happens in that moment and the next ones." Merci.
“momentarily unburdened by our own narratives.” what a fantastic way of languaging what I think most humans want at their core, freedom from the identity boxes we adopt to survive and the courage to play with multiple costumes. and I love the commentary about conversations with strangers. Many of those conversations for myself have fallen in line with the mood of a kindergarten dress-up game. Trying on new garments of identity with someone who knows none of my previous history and watching their eyes light up as I try on the new outfit. and then there is the scale of being able to suspend those narratives inside ourselves for moments at a time, which some people call meditation.
What a great further reflection, Rick.
"Trying on new garments of identity with someone who knows none of my previous history and watching their eyes light up as I try on the new outfit."
I love this imagery, and will carry it with me. Thank you so much.
Love this. Particularly the comparison with improv theatre. More and more, I find it helpful to experiment with life as if it's a LARP game or a piece of improv theatre. It helps me treat things a little more lightly, and it's fun, too. A conversation is a success if you both feel a lasting buzz from it, nothing else is important.
Thank you for taking the time to reading and leaving this comment, Donal. I agree, it really does help to approach things more playfully, like: what could the most interesting or coolest version of me do or say in this moment? And the buzzzzz is real!
They’re features not bugs.
This piece was for me like a north star for conversation. When i reflected on my conversations they are like hit and run accidents. A reflection of the unintentional - intentional way i live my life. Well now i know which way is forward. Your invitation to connect in real time would be frightening for me. Wow - the courage it takes to walk your talk as you so boldly do inviting the readers to connect with you real time.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Karl 🙏
Your piece was already brilliant when I saw an earlier draft but you’ve taken it to another level here!
There are so many intelligent observations and valuable insights: from imperfections in dialogue being features, not flaws, to letting the gaps speak, and the call to approach conversations with a playful, improvisational spirit.
As a Caravaggio fan, I also love your choice of image.
Simon–your help was pivotal on this piece. Thank you again so much and I’m glad you liked the Caravaggio detail too:)